When Performance Anxiety Starts to Limit Your Life

“You did great — you didn’t seem nervous at all!”

That’s a sentence that irritates me these days. Why shouldn’t nervousness be visible?

I’ve performed many times, and although it has become somewhat of a routine, there are still situations that make me nervous — both beforehand and in the moment. Experience has helped me manage what used to feel like an uncomfortable sensation. These days, I’m even able to view nervousness as a signal that something truly matters to me.

For many people, however, nervousness becomes a barrier — something that makes them avoid events and experiences that would otherwise be meaningful. This experience is very common. In fact, an entire field has emerged around managing performance anxiety: there are hundreds of books, courses, self-help tools, and peer support groups designed to help people cope with it.

But why is nervousness something we feel we have to hide, especially in a culture that encourages emotional expression? Shows and videos where people share meaningful, personal moments are wildly popular. Tears of sadness or joy, spontaneous laughter, moments of fear or surprise — all are often celebrated in both professional and personal content. So why does nervousness get left out? Why do we try so hard to avoid showing it?

In reality, showing nervousness is just another way of saying, “This is important to me, and that’s why I may not look as calm as I do on an ordinary Tuesday morning at the breakfast table.” Personally, I appreciate and pay close attention to people whose nerves show when they speak — it signals authenticity and meaning.

Because I know that performance anxiety can be a real and limiting issue — even robbing people of important opportunities — I’d like to share a few tips that have personally helped me better manage it.

Tips For Managing Nervousness

1. Start by Looking Inward

• Do you know what your anxiety is really about? Can you remember when it first started? Has it always been there?
• Do you have past experiences related to performing or being in the spotlight that may still affect you emotionally, even if subconsciously?
• Are you generally a highly sensitive person? Do you tend to feel emotions strongly? In what kinds of situations are you better able to regulate those emotions?
• Could your nervousness stem from a lack of routine or reduced social contact — perhaps as a result of the pandemic? Experience and repetition help. Exposure might feel uncomfortable at first, but it does get easier with time.
• Have you experienced something sad or sudden in your life? Sometimes anxiety about being in front of others is linked to unprocessed emotional experiences. If you suspect that your nervousness is tied to something deeper, talking to a mental health professional may help lighten the emotional load and reduce the anxiety as a result.

Remember: our emotions are shaped by how we interpret them. A seasoned performer might view pre-show nerves as a boost — adrenaline that enhances their performance. If you can learn to channel that uneasy energy into motivation, it can actually work in your favor.

In Performance Situations:

2. Learn to Calm Your Body

• Breathing techniques are incredibly effective. If your anxiety manifests as restlessness, rapid heartbeat, or shaking, long exhalations can calm your nervous system and slow your heart rate.
• If, on the other hand, nervousness makes you feel frozen or apathetic, try jumping in place a few times or shaking out your arms — whatever movement you can reasonably do before stepping into the spotlight.

3. Shift the Focus Away from Yourself

• When we’re nervous, we often become hyper-aware of our bodily sensations and assume others notice them too. In reality, no one can see your racing heart, trembling hands can be hidden behind your back, and flushed cheeks might just look like enthusiasm.
• Try focusing on someone in the audience who looks kind and friendly, and imagine you’re speaking directly to them.
• Or — if it suits you better — choose someone who looks more intimidating and challenge yourself to win them over. That “I’ll show you” mindset can be empowering.

Another trick: imagine you’re stepping into a role. You’re not just you — you’re the speaker, the presenter, the storyteller. Acting “as if” can give you a psychological buffer. If you can, ease into the role even before the moment starts — stand ready, chat with people beforehand if possible. It helps you ground yourself in the space.

If your anxiety is so strong that it stops you from doing things you’re genuinely interested in — or if it prevents you from performing at a level you know you’re capable of — don’t hesitate to seek help. Talk to a healthcare professional. There are real tools out there for managing performance anxiety, and life is too valuable to shrink away from just because of nerves.