Is it necessary to know how to talk about feelings? What are the benefits of sharing feelings in relationships?
I often encounter people whose romantic relationships have major conflicts about how much and how openly feelings are talked about. For some, talking about feelings can feel unnecessary or tiring — like dwelling on things that don’t lead anywhere good. Some may feel they have managed perfectly well without ever really exploring their own feelings.
For others, however, talking about feelings is an important part of close relationships. They feel that without sharing emotions, the connection to the other person breaks — both mentally and physically. For the health of a relationship, getting to know yourself and the background of your emotional expression is helpful.
Where Does This Different Attitude Toward Feelings Come From?
Not everyone has had the chance to learn to recognize and verbalize their feelings. In childhood, feelings may have been overlooked or ignored, and there might not have been any example of dealing with emotions. Everyday life may have been built around action, with care shown through deeds rather than words.
Some people may have heavy or traumatic experiences in their backgrounds. If childhood was focused on survival, there may have been no time or space to reflect on one’s own feelings. The connection to one’s emotions may have remained thin or even completely broken.
At the other extreme, feelings may explode quickly and uncontrollably, which can feel exhausting and chaotic — both for oneself and loved ones. This may be due to innate temperament differences as well as major life events: Read more about sensitivity and its causes
I have also heard many describe how sensitivity and emotions had to be learned to be hidden from others — for example, because of severe bullying experiences. When feelings have been hidden for years, it can be difficult to awaken them again, even if one wishes to.
Cultural differences also play a role. In some cultures, emotional expression is more restrained, and feelings are met with caution. Someone who reacts emotionally to things may be seen as difficult or overly sensitive.
Why Is It Worth Recognizing and Being Interested in Your Own Feelings?
- Deeper Relationships
Honest sharing of feelings helps create a closer connection with others. Many feel that sharing emotions is the key to both mental and physical intimacy in a relationship.
- Better Understanding of Others
When you learn to recognize your own feelings, you may also get better at interpreting what others are thinking in different situations. This makes relationships more predictable and clearer — at work, at home, and in friendships.
- A Richer Everyday Life
When your connection to your feelings deepens, even small everyday moments can feel more meaningful. You might not need to seek extreme experiences; everyday life gains new shades and experiences deepen.
- Clearer Personal Boundaries
Recognizing your feelings helps you hold on to your own boundaries and important things. If you can’t verbalize your needs — or even recognize them — it’s easier to be overlooked or agree to things that don’t feel right.
- Understanding the Direction of Your Life
When your own feelings become more familiar, evaluating life situations and choices may become easier. Feelings can act as a compass toward a life that feels true to yourself and meaningful.
Note: Recognizing your own feelings may sometimes require external help. It is also possible to seek professional support together with your partner.
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