Author: Seasonalhappiness

Do you recognize yourself — or someone close to you — in the examples below?

Maybe you had a parent who never said “I love you,” but who took care of every detail of daily life, and you could always count on their support. Or maybe you have a partner who never forgets anniversaries and surprises you with gifts, but doesn’t help much with chores or shared responsibilities. Or perhaps your friend’s spouse handles practical matters and lightens their daily load, but rarely expresses emotions verbally or shows physical affection.

People have different ways of expressing love and care. What feels like a clear expression of affection to one person may seem ordinary or insignificant to another.

For some, taking care of everyday life is the deepest form of love. For others, love is found in words, touch, or thoughtful surprises. One person longs for plans and shared time; another hopes for more emotional closeness.

Different Expressions: A Strength or a Source of Conflict?

In a relationship, two people may genuinely care about each other — and still feel misunderstood — simply because they express love in different ways.

One may feel that their hard work in daily life isn’t truly valued. The other may feel disappointed when special dates go unnoticed or when the words that mean the most to them are rarely spoken.

Different ways of expressing care can lead to misunderstandings if couples don’t take time to reflect on them together.

In a healthy relationship, it’s important for both partners to feel seen and understood. This doesn’t require being exactly the same — but it does require the ability to recognize your own and each other’s love languages.

We can all learn to express care more broadly, and sometimes it’s worth stepping out of our comfort zone for our partner. For example, someone who naturally shows love through practical help might learn to put more thought into anniversaries.

On the other hand, a partner who expresses affection through words or gestures might learn to show appreciation by helping with everyday responsibilities — or acknowledging the invisible efforts their partner makes.

Examples of Ways People Show They Care

These examples can help you and your partner reflect on your own ways of showing care — and open up conversations about connection and appreciation:

• Taking responsibility in daily life: Doing chores or lightening your partner’s load without being asked.
• Planning and organizing: Taking initiative with schedules, activities, or trips.
• Caring for social connections: Staying in touch with friends or family, even on your partner’s behalf.
• Genuine interest and presence: Showing real curiosity in your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
• Remembering special days: Celebrating birthdays or anniversaries in meaningful ways.
• Verbal affection: Using kind words, appreciation, or personalized messages in everyday life.
• Acceptance and support: Embracing your partner’s vulnerabilities and quietly standing by them during hard times.

Ultimately, the well-being of a relationship depends on both partners feeling loved in their own way — and being willing to understand how the other expresses it.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word curious?

I picture a cheerful and happy little child who tirelessly explores their surroundings. Curiosity and positivity often go hand in hand. It’s hard to imagine someone being deeply curious yet unhappy.

While some of us are naturally more curious than others, curiosity isn’t just something determined by genetics. It can be nurtured, strengthened, and invited. Curiosity sparks more curiosity. It lays the foundation for new experiences, insights, and perspectives in life.

Curiosity Also Strengthens Relationships

Curiosity is a quality that benefits relationships, too.

Curious people are often seen as interesting — but more importantly, they make others feel interesting. When someone is genuinely interested in your thoughts, experiences, and stories, it boosts your sense of being valued. Someone else’s curiosity about your inner world feels deeply good.

It’s important to note that this kind of curiosity isn’t nosiness or an invasion of privacy — it’s a respectful interest in another person.

If you want to increase closeness and well-being in your relationships, you can reflect on:

When was the last time I showed curiosity toward my loved one’s thoughts? When did I last ask what they really think about something that matters to them?

Awaken Curiosity – Be Interested in Others

Here’s a small exercise you can do with a partner or close friend. Find a peaceful moment — maybe on a weekend evening over a good meal or in a cozy café. Take turns asking the questions below, and really listen to the answers without rushing or commenting.

Conversation questions:

• What was most important to you as a child?
• Who did you admire, and why?
• What was your favorite game or activity as a child?
• What were you most afraid of back then? And now?
• What brought you the most joy in childhood?
• What brings you the most joy right now?
• If you could spend one year living exactly as you wished, what would you do — and why?

Curiosity is the desire to be genuinely present. It’s one of the most effective ways to strengthen connection with another person.

Have you ever been amazed at how precisely a friend or partner can recall even the smallest details from their childhood? Or puzzled by someone whose childhood memories seem vague or almost nonexistent?

One person may vividly remember scents, colors, and emotions from decades ago, while for another, the entire childhood feels covered in fog. As with many human experiences, there isn’t one clear answer — the reasons can vary greatly from person to person. If a lack of memory raises questions or curiosity, the perspectives below may help you better understand yourself or someone close to you.

Emotions Create Memory Traces

One of the most important factors that supports memory is emotion. Experiences connected to strong feelings — joy, fear, safety, excitement — are more likely to be remembered.

If emotional expression and understanding were supported in the childhood home, memories may have been stored more deeply. A child may have learned to pay attention to how something felt, and the memory received a kind of “emotional stamp.” These memories can be reinforced by photographs, videos, or stories told together later, which help bring the moment vividly back to life.

Forgetting as a Form of Mental Protection

Sometimes, a lack of memory is a form of protection. If childhood included difficult, frightening, or overwhelming experiences — or if there wasn’t enough support during major moments — the mind may begin to protect itself by actively forgetting them.

Emotions may be pushed out of conscious awareness, and with them, the memories tied to those emotions can also fade. If a feeling couldn’t be experienced or processed at the time, a strong memory trace may not have formed at all. It’s the mind’s way of shielding itself from too much pain.

Can Lost Memories Be Retrieved?

If you feel there are gaps in your childhood or adolescence that leave you puzzled or curious, you can gently and calmly explore them:

• Look through old photos, writings, or objects that might help you recall specific moments.
• Visit childhood locations — like your old home, a playground, or schoolyard.
• Share stories and experiences with someone close to you who was part of that time in your life.

Sometimes even a small memory can unlock larger ones — and at best, help you better understand yourself in the present.

What If Remembering Causes Anxiety?

If the absence of childhood memories or the process of recalling them causes distress or discomfort, it’s important not to go through it alone. Talk to someone you trust, or seek support from a professional. The mind protects us for a reason — but even overwhelming memories can be faced with the right kind of support.

Do you know someone — or are you someone — who feels emotions very deeply and intensely?

For some, the mind is like sunburned skin: everything that touches it feels heightened or painful. This kind of feeling can be temporary and occasional, for example, in girls or women influenced by their menstrual cycle or when something significant and time-consuming is happening in life.

Some people are naturally more sensitive than others. They react strongly to both joy and sorrow. Many sensitive people learn to live with this trait and recognize their own limits. They know that, for example, large crowds, bright lights, loud noises, or strong tastes can be overwhelming. Some cannot tolerate certain types of clothing or materials — they simply feel unpleasant on the skin.

Although sensitivity can sometimes feel heavy, it also comes with strengths. Sensitive people see shades of life that others may not always notice. Being with them can be especially rewarding for others — especially when their enthusiasm is contagious and makes life feel deeper.

The Roots of Sensitivity: Inborn Trait or Life Experience?

Sensitivity can be an innate trait, but it can also be shaped by life experiences. Unsafe, threatening, or traumatic situations in childhood — or too little support during difficult times — can make the mind more sensitive in adulthood.

For example, someone might fear the dark because they lacked safety as a child. Another may startle at loud noises because of a frightening experience they might not even fully remember. Someone else may have lived a long time with great worry and uncertainty, and when the situation eases, emotional outbursts flood out even in small situations — like a pressure cooker.

What Can Help a Person Who Feels Strongly?

• Understanding and Accepting Loved Ones

Choose to be around people who do not try to change you.

• Small Experiments Outside the Comfort Zone

Still, dare to try new things cautiously: could I watch a show I usually wouldn’t like together with someone else? What if I went to a noisy café with trusted company if it’s important to them?

• Predictable Daily Life and Clear Routines

Structure in everyday life brings security and can ease overstimulation.

• A Sensory Environment Suited to Your Nervous System

Soothing music, gentle videos, or favorite soundscapes can bring relief and stability during the day.

What If These Feelings Take Over Daily Life?

If intense emotional experiences start to significantly interfere with everyday life or relationships, it’s important to seek help. A healthcare professional can help figure out where the sensitivity comes from and how to learn to live more balanced with it.

Is it necessary to know how to talk about feelings? What are the benefits of sharing feelings in relationships?

I often encounter people whose romantic relationships have major conflicts about how much and how openly feelings are talked about. For some, talking about feelings can feel unnecessary or tiring — like dwelling on things that don’t lead anywhere good. Some may feel they have managed perfectly well without ever really exploring their own feelings.

For others, however, talking about feelings is an important part of close relationships. They feel that without sharing emotions, the connection to the other person breaks — both mentally and physically. For the health of a relationship, getting to know yourself and the background of your emotional expression is helpful.

Where Does This Different Attitude Toward Feelings Come From?

Not everyone has had the chance to learn to recognize and verbalize their feelings. In childhood, feelings may have been overlooked or ignored, and there might not have been any example of dealing with emotions. Everyday life may have been built around action, with care shown through deeds rather than words.

Some people may have heavy or traumatic experiences in their backgrounds. If childhood was focused on survival, there may have been no time or space to reflect on one’s own feelings. The connection to one’s emotions may have remained thin or even completely broken.

At the other extreme, feelings may explode quickly and uncontrollably, which can feel exhausting and chaotic — both for oneself and loved ones. This may be due to innate temperament differences as well as major life events: Read more about sensitivity and its causes

I have also heard many describe how sensitivity and emotions had to be learned to be hidden from others — for example, because of severe bullying experiences. When feelings have been hidden for years, it can be difficult to awaken them again, even if one wishes to.

Cultural differences also play a role. In some cultures, emotional expression is more restrained, and feelings are met with caution. Someone who reacts emotionally to things may be seen as difficult or overly sensitive.

Why Is It Worth Recognizing and Being Interested in Your Own Feelings?

• Deeper Relationships

Honest sharing of feelings helps create a closer connection with others. Many feel that sharing emotions is the key to both mental and physical intimacy in a relationship.

• Better Understanding of Others

When you learn to recognize your own feelings, you may also get better at interpreting what others are thinking in different situations. This makes relationships more predictable and clearer — at work, at home, and in friendships.

• A Richer Everyday Life

When your connection to your feelings deepens, even small everyday moments can feel more meaningful. You might not need to seek extreme experiences; everyday life gains new shades and experiences deepen.

• Clearer Personal Boundaries

Recognizing your feelings helps you hold on to your own boundaries and important things. If you can’t verbalize your needs — or even recognize them — it’s easier to be overlooked or agree to things that don’t feel right.

• Understanding the Direction of Your Life

When your own feelings become more familiar, evaluating life situations and choices may become easier. Feelings can act as a compass toward a life that feels true to yourself and meaningful.

Note: Recognizing your own feelings may sometimes require external help. It is also possible to seek professional support together with your partner.

Have you lost a loved one? Has an important relationship ended? Did something sudden and shocking happen?

Life inevitably brings moments that trigger deep inner processing — the work of grief. How we face and handle these moments depends on many factors: what happened, how unexpected it was, and what past experiences we carry. Grief is deeply personal, and it can’t be rushed. Still, it can help to understand where your mind is in the process.

Sudden and traumatic events are often the most overwhelming. At first, the human mind may respond by blocking out the event entirely. Disbelief and denial are common first reactions. In many films or shows, a character in crisis might scream, “No, no, no!” — and often our mind reacts the same way: it simply cannot take in what has happened just yet.

In the beginning, everything might feel like a fog. One friend who unexpectedly lost someone close said she couldn’t read even short texts during the first weeks — she’d forget the beginning of a sentence before reaching the end. In these moments, it’s essential to have someone nearby who can help with the basics of everyday life, offering care and support. Tangible help and presence matter most. Talking and deeper emotional processing will come in time.

Often, after some time has passed and the fog begins to lift, there’s a natural need to revisit the event — over and over, from different angles. At this stage, familiar routines can be comforting, especially those connected to the loss. They bring a sense of safety and continuity.

Eventually — in each person’s own time — the event begins to settle into one’s life experience. It doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but the constant processing fades. The need to talk about it may lessen. In grief, the mind keeps returning to the experience again and again until it finds a place for it within the story of your life.

At some point, you may notice that grief no longer shadows every moment. It moves to the background. The event remains part of your lived experience, but your mind is able to turn toward other things, too.

How to support yourself through grief

• Talk about it.

The presence and care of others is inherently healing, but speaking out loud also helps. When you process the event with different people — or the same person multiple times — you begin to see it from new angles. This supports your emotional understanding.

• Use routines and symbols.

For many, concrete actions are soothing: lighting a candle, holding a keepsake, or arranging personal belongings. These symbolic gestures can bring rhythm and comfort in the early stages of grief.

• Nurture moments of hope and joy.

Grief doesn’t demand your full attention at every moment. It’s valuable to notice when small moments of lightness arise. What helps you feel just a little better — and can you seek more of that intentionally?

Remember: If your grief feels unbearable or overwhelming, it’s important to seek help. Don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional.

Have you ever experienced a moment that suddenly stopped you — not out of fear or shock, but because something felt strangely good?

Those moments are called glimmers.

Glimmers are small, positive sensations or observations that spark a sense of safety and well-being. They are the opposite of triggers, which tend to evoke negative emotional reactions. The term was originally coined by Deb Dana and later expanded by Justine Grosso.

Glimmers create tiny surges of calm or happiness — like brief flashes of peace or joy. I think of them as “moments within moments”: sudden pauses where something beautiful or unexpected touches you deeply and makes time feel different.

Some glimmers I’ve personally experienced:

• A bright blue swim ring behind a dirty window
• Dust on a lampshade turning soft pink in the light
• The sensation of a pleasant fabric brushing against my skin

As these examples show, glimmers are often hard to put into words — and even harder to share in a way that lets someone else fully feel what you felt. They are deeply personal.

They feel like a flicker from another reality, yet at the same time they’re comforting — as if they came from somewhere far away. And maybe they do: they might be sensory echoes from something previously experienced as safe, beautiful, or good — something that never had words before.

In my experience, glimmers can’t be forced. For me, they don’t appear on demand.

But some people believe you can learn to notice them more easily. It takes sensitivity — the ability to pause and pay attention. That can be difficult in a busy everyday life.

Still, sometimes a glimmer shows up unexpectedly: on a tired bus ride home from work, or in the middle of a dull meeting.

Maybe glimmers aren’t things we can actively seek — but they can find us, if we’re willing to slow down.

Have you experienced glimmers?
What were they like — and have you ever been able to recreate the experience?

“You did great — you didn’t seem nervous at all!”

That’s a sentence that irritates me these days. Why shouldn’t nervousness be visible?

I’ve performed many times, and although it has become somewhat of a routine, there are still situations that make me nervous — both beforehand and in the moment. Experience has helped me manage what used to feel like an uncomfortable sensation. These days, I’m even able to view nervousness as a signal that something truly matters to me.

For many people, however, nervousness becomes a barrier — something that makes them avoid events and experiences that would otherwise be meaningful. This experience is very common. In fact, an entire field has emerged around managing performance anxiety: there are hundreds of books, courses, self-help tools, and peer support groups designed to help people cope with it.

But why is nervousness something we feel we have to hide, especially in a culture that encourages emotional expression? Shows and videos where people share meaningful, personal moments are wildly popular. Tears of sadness or joy, spontaneous laughter, moments of fear or surprise — all are often celebrated in both professional and personal content. So why does nervousness get left out? Why do we try so hard to avoid showing it?

In reality, showing nervousness is just another way of saying, “This is important to me, and that’s why I may not look as calm as I do on an ordinary Tuesday morning at the breakfast table.” Personally, I appreciate and pay close attention to people whose nerves show when they speak — it signals authenticity and meaning.

Because I know that performance anxiety can be a real and limiting issue — even robbing people of important opportunities — I’d like to share a few tips that have personally helped me better manage it.

Tips For Managing Nervousness

1. Start by Looking Inward

• Do you know what your anxiety is really about? Can you remember when it first started? Has it always been there?
• Do you have past experiences related to performing or being in the spotlight that may still affect you emotionally, even if subconsciously?
• Are you generally a highly sensitive person? Do you tend to feel emotions strongly? In what kinds of situations are you better able to regulate those emotions?
• Could your nervousness stem from a lack of routine or reduced social contact — perhaps as a result of the pandemic? Experience and repetition help. Exposure might feel uncomfortable at first, but it does get easier with time.
• Have you experienced something sad or sudden in your life? Sometimes anxiety about being in front of others is linked to unprocessed emotional experiences. If you suspect that your nervousness is tied to something deeper, talking to a mental health professional may help lighten the emotional load and reduce the anxiety as a result.

Remember: our emotions are shaped by how we interpret them. A seasoned performer might view pre-show nerves as a boost — adrenaline that enhances their performance. If you can learn to channel that uneasy energy into motivation, it can actually work in your favor.

In Performance Situations:

2. Learn to Calm Your Body

• Breathing techniques are incredibly effective. If your anxiety manifests as restlessness, rapid heartbeat, or shaking, long exhalations can calm your nervous system and slow your heart rate.
• If, on the other hand, nervousness makes you feel frozen or apathetic, try jumping in place a few times or shaking out your arms — whatever movement you can reasonably do before stepping into the spotlight.

3. Shift the Focus Away from Yourself

• When we’re nervous, we often become hyper-aware of our bodily sensations and assume others notice them too. In reality, no one can see your racing heart, trembling hands can be hidden behind your back, and flushed cheeks might just look like enthusiasm.
• Try focusing on someone in the audience who looks kind and friendly, and imagine you’re speaking directly to them.
• Or — if it suits you better — choose someone who looks more intimidating and challenge yourself to win them over. That “I’ll show you” mindset can be empowering.

Another trick: imagine you’re stepping into a role. You’re not just you — you’re the speaker, the presenter, the storyteller. Acting “as if” can give you a psychological buffer. If you can, ease into the role even before the moment starts — stand ready, chat with people beforehand if possible. It helps you ground yourself in the space.

If your anxiety is so strong that it stops you from doing things you’re genuinely interested in — or if it prevents you from performing at a level you know you’re capable of — don’t hesitate to seek help. Talk to a healthcare professional. There are real tools out there for managing performance anxiety, and life is too valuable to shrink away from just because of nerves.

Seasons affect people in different ways. Some come alive in the spring — the increasing light brings energy and a better mood. For others, spring can actually feel more tiring than the darker season that came before it.

If your tiredness is seasonal and occasional, and your low mood isn’t too severe, the tips below might help.

Note: If your low mood is severe or continues for a longer period of time, it’s a good idea to contact a healthcare professional.

1. Update Your Sources of Pleasure

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether your body needs rest or stimulation. For some, occasional lounging on the couch is a good way to recharge a tired mind — but rest alone doesn’t always bring relaxation. Especially for people working in desk jobs or doing academic work, true relaxation might come more from engaging in active tasks or shifting focus rather than typical rest.

The activities that help you relax may also need updating. What once brought peace in a different life stage might not work anymore — and that’s okay. You might need to try something new.

On the other hand, revisiting childhood or teenage memories can spark ideas for reconnecting with core parts of yourself that once brought joy.

What did you love doing as a child? Or as a teen? What brought you joy and helped you relax? How could you adapt that to your life now?

2. Schedule Milestones to Look Forward To

Not everyone enjoys long-term planning, but for some, having things to look forward to makes everyday life more bearable. Especially during long stretches of routine, it helps to divide time into intervals where something exciting is planned. Having something ahead keeps your eyes on the horizon.

Sometimes less is more
During stressful times, it can also help to ground yourself in simple, everyday routines. Repeating similar tasks adds structure and helps focus on what truly matters. Sometimes less external stimulation creates more internal peace.

3. Immerse Yourself in Something New

Getting deeply engaged in an activity lets your mind rest from other concerns. Fatigue and stress can fade — even temporarily — when you’re fully present. Deep focus promotes living in the moment.

That’s why it’s important to find a hobby or activity that you enjoy and that requires your full attention. For some, it’s hiking in tough terrain. For others, it might be painting, trying a new dance class, or indoor climbing. Experimenting helps you understand yourself and your needs better.

Contrast helps some people
Winter swimming or dipping into icy water is popular in Nordic countries. The shock of cold water has been studied, and some people report it brings them significant energy and mental clarity. Cold-water immersion may support stress management and improve mental wellbeing.

4. Cook or Pack Food and Eat Outdoors

Especially in northern parts of the world, every bit of daylight — especially in winter — is precious and worth using.

I have a friend who works remotely and starts eating lunch outdoors as soon as she sees even a single snow-free patch of ground. She layers up in winter clothes, places a warm fur on a garden chair, and takes her lunch plate outside. Eating outside has become a cornerstone of her winter wellbeing.

TIP: If you have a yard or balcony, start using it as soon as weather permits. Try to capture even small rays of sunshine — with warm clothing, even your coffee break can move outside.

5. Accept Occasional Low Moods

Sometimes it’s helpful to reflect on the expectations you set for yourself. Constant energy and positivity are not realistic or necessary goals.

You don’t have to be your “best self” every single day.
Ask yourself: Do I allow myself space to feel unmotivated, irritated, or tired?

It’s important to learn to care for yourself even on days when you don’t feel productive or inspired. Speaking kindly to yourself is especially crucial during low-energy moments.

Have you ever noticed the tone of voice you use when talking to yourself?
Is your inner voice kind or demanding?

6. By Doing Good for Others, You Also Take Care of Yourself

The media is full of tips for boosting happiness and wellbeing. Ironically, too much focus on yourself can lead to overanalyzing your emotions and thoughts. Sometimes shifting attention outward helps.

Helping others — even in small ways — lifts your own spirits too.
Acts of kindness and support not only benefit others but often give a sense of purpose and joy to the giver. For example, volunteering has been linked to greater life satisfaction.

Some time ago, an acquaintance of mine told me she had ended a friendship that had turned toxic. The grief of the loss was significant – but at the same time, it brought a sense of relief.

At its best, friendship is empowering and energizing. Friends may have been part of one’s life for a long time and have served as an important mirror through which we reflect ourselves and our lives. For some, friends are even more important pillars of support than family.

However, not all relationships are balanced or fulfilling. Some connections take more than they give. So why do people stay in such relationships?

Sometimes, a relationship that started off well changes gradually, making it hard to notice the shift. Other times, a friendship feels so integral to life that one hasn’t paused to evaluate its meaning or quality. But when taking the time to reflect, one might realize they often feel irritated, exhausted, or emotionally drained after seeing that friend.

Some people hold on to long-term relationships, even when they’re burdensome, because the thought of letting go feels even more painful. The idea of loss and saying goodbye to something familiar can feel too frightening, and people may cling to what’s known – even if it’s unhealthy. This can stem from earlier experiences of loss or times when one felt alone during crucial life moments.

Our past relationships – and how we’ve been treated – also influence our current friendships. We may unknowingly gravitate toward people who treat us in ways similar to those who once caused us pain. Familiarity draws us in, even if it carries harmful undertones.

I asked my friend what made her decide to end the friendship. She explained that the relationship had felt heavy for a long time, and after spending time together, she often felt more drained and frustrated than before. The final eye-opener was returning from a long holiday and realizing that the biggest source of stress was having to reconnect with her friend after a long break. That moment made her truly question the quality and value of the friendship.

How to Improve a Friendship – and When to Let Go

If you’re wondering whether a friendship is mutual and equally beneficial, ask yourself:

• How do I feel after our conversations or time together? Do I generally feel uplifted and in a good mood?
• Is the relationship balanced and fair? Do we both share and listen equally? Of course, life brings situations where one needs more support. But if you’re always the one offering comfort, cheering the other up, or absorbing their negativity, it’s worth taking a closer look.
• Are there recurring issues that bother me in the relationship?

If these questions are hard to answer, it may be time to bring them up with your friend. You can plan out what you want to say ahead of time to express yourself clearly.

If talking face-to-face feels difficult, you can write them a message instead.

TIP: Use I-statements and focus on how you feel, avoiding blame. This makes it easier for the other person to receive your message.

For example:

• “I’ve felt like the things I share or care about don’t seem to interest you.”
• “I felt hurt when you made a dismissive comment about something important to me.”
• “I feel sad and frustrated when you cancel our plans at the last minute.”

Show that you’re open and willing (if you are) to continue the friendship, but that you need change around the things that are wearing you down. Ask what you could do to help improve the relationship, too.

Sometimes, taking a short break or creating some space in the friendship can be helpful. A break can offer perspective and help you view the relationship more clearly.

Friendship losses – whether we choose them or not – are rarely talked about, even though they can be deeply painful. The end of a friendship is often a significant loss that takes time to process. If a friendship ends, give yourself the time and space to grieve. The end of a long-term relationship is a real sorrow, and it deserves to be mourned with care.

In Finnish, there’s a word called “renttu”, which refers to a person who behaves irresponsibly and carelessly, yet somehow still evokes feelings of affection and a desire to care for them. Some people find themselves drawn to this type of person and may describe themselves as “renttu magnets”—people who continually attract partners who act irresponsibly and treat them poorly. For others, this type of person is an immediate red flag—they wouldn’t dream of spending time with someone who doesn’t treat them with respect.

So why do some people repeatedly end up in relationships where they are not treated well? Why do some seem irresistibly drawn to relationships that, from the outside, are difficult to understand—and even clearly harmful?

Sometimes, it may be because there’s something in the other person that inexplicably reminds us of a strong emotional experience. It’s important to note that this doesn’t always mean a positive experience. The sense of attraction or familiarity can arise even if the original experience was painful or harmful. For instance, someone who experienced unsafe or unstable environments in childhood may have also felt powerful relief after moments of tension. Later in life, meeting someone who unconsciously triggers that same emotional landscape can bring about a familiar and strangely comforting feeling—like “we belong together.”

Others may have grown up feeling invisible or invalidated and have never learned to expect or demand to be treated well. If you’ve never experienced respectful and caring behavior as the norm, it can be difficult to even recognize or ask for it. Paradoxically, mistreatment can feel familiar—and falsely safe.

Some people, especially those who were expected to take on too much responsibility as children, might see glimpses of goodness beneath another’s harmful behavior and believe they can “fix” the person with their care and compassion. They may think, “If I’m good enough, they’ll become good too—permanently.” Sadly, this often comes at the cost of their own well-being.

All of this usually happens unconsciously.

How Can You Break This Harmful Relationship Pattern?

If you notice a recurring theme in your relationships—where you end up in the role of caretaker or are repeatedly not treated well—it’s important to pause and reflect on what might be driving these dynamics, and how to stop the cycle.

You might ask yourself:

• What kind of people do I feel magnetically drawn to? Why?
• What am I truly looking for in a relationship? What matters most to me?
• Which of those things are present in my current relationship—and what’s missing?
• What kind of person would support the healthiest version of a relationship for me? What would that require from me?
• How do I believe I should be treated in a relationship?
• Where might I meet people who are capable of offering a safe, respectful, and mutual connection?

Note: If these reflections stir up feelings of anxiety or distress, it’s important to talk to someone about them—whether it’s a trusted friend or a mental health professional.

Changing patterns in relationships often requires conscious effort and inner work—challenging long-held thought patterns and giving yourself the space and support to shift what feels familiar. Trusted friends or professional support can be extremely helpful in creating new, healthier relational habits and allowing old attractions to people who mistreat you to gradually fade.

For many, summer vacation is the highlight of the year

Often, we hope to effortlessly slip into a relaxed holiday mood the moment the vacation begins. However, if everyday life has been hectic and the days leading up to the break are filled with various tasks and obligations, the transition into holiday mode can feel difficult. Your mind might still be racing, unable to slow down.

To help ease that shift from everyday busyness to true relaxation, I’ve gathered 7 tips for a smoother start to your summer holiday:

1. Start slowing down early

Many people believe that working extra hard right up until the break makes the vacation feel more deserved. In reality, the mind may not be able to keep up with such a rapid shift. Stress, pressure, and urgency tend to follow you into your days off, and mentally switching to relaxation mode doesn’t happen instantly. That’s why it’s helpful—if possible—to begin gradually easing your pace in the final weeks before your vacation. Start slowing down intentionally and begin directing your thoughts toward your upcoming break. Reflect on what truly needs to be finished before the holiday and what can wait until after your return.

2. Prepare for your return before you leave

Make a list of things you’ll need to address once your vacation ends. Writing down tasks—whether on paper or digitally—can free up mental space and prevent your mind from clinging to reminders during your time off. This makes it easier to fully relax, knowing that the important things won’t be forgotten.

3. Take a moment for yourself before joining others

Before diving into time with family, a partner, or friends, give yourself a moment to check in with your own thoughts and feelings. A small pause can make a big difference when your mind is transitioning out of daily life. Notice how it feels to shift gears—what are you craving right now, and what emotions are surfacing? Even a brief moment to yourself can help ground you in the present.

4. Change your scenery at the start of your vacation

For many, going somewhere different helps break away from work or school routines. While some people head straight to the cottage or travel as soon as vacation starts, you don’t need to make a big move to mark the shift. Plan a day trip, meet a friend, or have breakfast somewhere new on your first day off. Starting your vacation with something different—even small—can act as a mental ritual that signals it’s time to unwind.

5. Break your routines

One of the key purposes of a vacation is to create a clear distinction between everyday life and time off. Consider which routines you might gently disrupt during your break. You don’t need grand changes—often, simply doing things differently helps your mind recognize that this time is special. Your brain begins to chart a new course, and your thoughts are freed from habitual tracks.

6. Don’t panic if work or study thoughts pop up

If a persistent thought keeps surfacing, don’t fight it—write it down and set it aside for later. This simple act can lift the mental load and allow you to return more fully to your holiday state of mind.

7. Allow yourself to feel all emotions

Remember: even the best vacation doesn’t have to feel exciting or joyful all the time. When you give yourself permission to experience the full range of emotions—even during time off—you make room for genuine rest and peace.