Have you lost a loved one? Has an important relationship ended? Did something sudden and shocking happen?
Life inevitably brings moments that trigger deep inner processing — the work of grief. How we face and handle these moments depends on many factors: what happened, how unexpected it was, and what past experiences we carry. Grief is deeply personal, and it can’t be rushed. Still, it can help to understand where your mind is in the process.
Sudden and traumatic events are often the most overwhelming. At first, the human mind may respond by blocking out the event entirely. Disbelief and denial are common first reactions. In many films or shows, a character in crisis might scream, “No, no, no!” — and often our mind reacts the same way: it simply cannot take in what has happened just yet.
In the beginning, everything might feel like a fog. One friend who unexpectedly lost someone close said she couldn’t read even short texts during the first weeks — she’d forget the beginning of a sentence before reaching the end. In these moments, it’s essential to have someone nearby who can help with the basics of everyday life, offering care and support. Tangible help and presence matter most. Talking and deeper emotional processing will come in time.
Often, after some time has passed and the fog begins to lift, there’s a natural need to revisit the event — over and over, from different angles. At this stage, familiar routines can be comforting, especially those connected to the loss. They bring a sense of safety and continuity.
Eventually — in each person’s own time — the event begins to settle into one’s life experience. It doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but the constant processing fades. The need to talk about it may lessen. In grief, the mind keeps returning to the experience again and again until it finds a place for it within the story of your life.
At some point, you may notice that grief no longer shadows every moment. It moves to the background. The event remains part of your lived experience, but your mind is able to turn toward other things, too.
How to support yourself through grief
- Talk about it.
The presence and care of others is inherently healing, but speaking out loud also helps. When you process the event with different people — or the same person multiple times — you begin to see it from new angles. This supports your emotional understanding.
- Use routines and symbols.
For many, concrete actions are soothing: lighting a candle, holding a keepsake, or arranging personal belongings. These symbolic gestures can bring rhythm and comfort in the early stages of grief.
- Nurture moments of hope and joy.
Grief doesn’t demand your full attention at every moment. It’s valuable to notice when small moments of lightness arise. What helps you feel just a little better — and can you seek more of that intentionally?
Remember: If your grief feels unbearable or overwhelming, it’s important to seek help. Don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional.
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